Gold Creek
Water flows over the rocks,
Bubbling up in the eddy
And then dispersing.
Smoothing away all the rough edges
And promontories,
Leaving the tranquil faces
Of time behind.
Looking into the depths
Of icy cold water.
Wondering if the current
Is strong enough to pull me under.
Or if the coldness of the water
Would stop the beating of my heart.
The depths are murky and unclear.
Nina Massey
Becoming More Resilient
| How can we become more independent emotionally, in order that we can support others whole-heartedly? |
Psychologists call the ability to recover from adversity, such as illness, accidents, and other trauma, resilience[1]. Perhaps resilience is also part of the inner strength needed to go about our daily lives in a productive way.
| How can we find the strength to rise above adversity, to do our work and to respond to others with love and empathy? |
Song to the Willow
Standing alone
Where the land reaches out
To meet the sea,
A little willow tree
Reaches its roots,
Deeper and deeper into the earth.
The wind, rain and snow
Blow hard across the sea.
Its trunk grows tall and strong,
Swaying and bending with the force.
A little willow tree
Reaches its roots
Deeper and deeper into the earth.
Nina Massey
Satisfaction with life can often be simply a way of looking at conditions in a positive way. Those who are resilient know that adversity is temporary and good times will come again. They know that the problem is not part of their identity, but simply a temporary situation needing attention. They know that they have the strength to survive difficulties and challenges because they have the needed supports in place, both internal and external. Consider your ruminations.
| Do you become self-absorbed and allow your mind to run the hamster-wheel, replaying resentment and anger over a situation or do you look for the positive and try to problem-solve? |
A Spider Web
A thin gossamer web sparkling in the sun,
Connecting branch to tree to limb.
Tiny birds flitting from branch to branch,
As my thoughts flit from topic to subject to idea.
Connections as thin as the web
Spun by the spider connecting it all.
Nina Massey
Perhaps it is as simple as developing patterns of behavior and responses which are positive. As a parent, a teacher, a supervisor, thinking about what others can do that are constructive and finding ways to tactfully suggest and help, rather than responding with anger when mistakes are made, can lead to improving a situation. Corrections can come framed within approximations of the desired behavior, adding the next step toward what is needed for success. Productivity is increased when supervisors react with positive comments and flexibility in ways of accomplishing a task. Problem-solving constructive criticism can be delivered in a gentle, positive tone of voice.[2] Resilience can also be enhanced with this mix of recognition of success and failure with ways of lifting out of problems. Both supervisors and supervisees can learn that mistakes are things to learn from, which can lead to ways to do better in the future. When parents, teachers and the boss approach those under them with an attitude of humility, an attitude that expresses the importance of all in a difficult situation, the response can be more productive.
Another way to build greater belief in oneself is to surround yourself with positive people who are capable, and who believe in you. Do the things you love with people who also love those activities. When adversity strikes, find someone who loves you, who can listen with empathy and yet begin to lead you out of the difficulty with encouragement.
In that moment,
In that passing glance,
A glimpse through the window
Of the local tavern.
A meeting of eyes, of souls,
A recognition of who I truly am.
Nina Massey
Self-efficacy[3] is one’s own estimate of how well one successfully completes a task. This can affect how much effort one puts into a task, how long that effort can be sustained even in the face of difficulty. Allowing in doubts about one’s ability can lead to lack of motivation, poor performance and even quitting. Sometimes these feelings of uncertainty can be increased by humiliating and derogatory comments from others. Perhaps one of the most important things we can do for ourselves and others is to refrain from making these remarks. Misgivings, doubts and fear cause great amounts of stress and anxiety. Fillings our minds with positive affirmations and persevering can help to build self-efficacy though success.
Learning to laugh at oneself can be very healing[4]. Don’t let others laugh at you, learn to laugh with them as your foibles, minor weaknesses and mistakes, are exposed. Get over your self-absorbed thought that you are perfect or should be. None of us are. We are all fools and buffoons at times. And yes, at other times we are wise and skillful. Allow yourself to refuse to become discouraged and quit. Instead find humor, flexibility and persistence.
The Comedy of the Vain
Ah, the vain, glorious beauty of heroes.
Once pride was a valuable commodity
A great weapon of strength and survival.
But pride is the enemy of surrender
The obstacle to softening into allowing
The Divine Bliss to flow freely.
Have no comedy with the vain.
Look not at the peacock strutting,
Nor listen to the squawking pride of the turkey.
Look instead deeply within
Finding the One Lord of Bliss
Softening every hard place to the flow.
Nina Massey
| Build a menu of self-care habits[5] from which you can find nourishment in times of adversity. |
Prayer to Mother Earth
I breathe in your light,
I breathe out love to you.
Let me walk in rhythm
With your heartbeat, Great Mother.
Nina Massey
Following our Passions
There is a quote from the poet Rumi which says, “Let yourself be drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love.”[6] Taking this path, in which our feelings compel us to make choices with our time and activities, can lead to greater happiness, as long as we love positive and healthy things. Trusting your heart, and the inner knowing that comes as guidance can help us find our way.
| Make a list of at least 15 things and activities which you really enjoy doing. Cross out any that you think are not healthy or good for you. Consider how the choices you make lead to greater happiness. |
Sparkles of gold in a stream of sunlight
Pale reflections of orange, pink and blue,
Upon the surface of the sea.
The light of God shines forth
In the sense of wonder of a child.
Nina Massey
Living from the Heart
Making choices from the heart is a way to follow guidance from the Divine. The heart is the place where we feel the touch of Source, where we can find the bliss and joy of Love. Some say, ‘don’t do it if your heart is not in it.’ One meaning is that if we feel a touch of doubt, skepticism, guilt, fear while making a decision, it may not be the time to make it or the right direction. By meditating in the heart, we can find our way in life on our path, and hopefully not be misled.
This moment
The wind blows.
Swirling about us.
The sun warms
& lightens the land.
The smell of greenery
Permeates the air.
I become aware
Of the gentle kiss
Of the wind upon my skin.
My heart is warmed
By the company of loved ones.
My burdens lightened
By the sunshine of their smiles.
Nina Massey
In the Sufi prayers of Hazrat Inayat Khan, we ask to become a “channel of love, light and life,” in order that we may be able to assist in the healing of others. We fill our entire being with love and feel it moving throughout our body. A concentration on filling the heart with light and then radiating it out like a lantern is an ancient practice of Raja Yoga. When doing yoga exercises, we feel this vitality moving throughout the body, in order that we may be filled with life energy, and therefore have a greater capacity to fulfil our life’s purpose.
Whale Watch
The Eagle soars overhead
Bringing Great Spirit
To watch over the Earth.
The great whale dives deeply
And feeds upon the tiniest
Of God’s creatures in the sea.
A moment of absolute stillness,
Of expectant silence,
Yearning for the power
And momentum of the great whale.
I pray to God
In gratitude for this day.
For the beauty
And wonder of this Earth.
Nina Massey
[1] Masten, Ann S. and Reed, Marie Gabrielle. Resilience in Development. From the Handbook of Positive Psychology, Oxford University Press. Retrieved from http://ldysinger.stjohnsem.edu/@books1/Snyder_Hndbk_Positive_Psych/Snyder_Lopez_Handbook_of_Positive_Psychology.pdf#page=93
[2] Robinson, Joe. Working Smarter: How Optimism Boosts Productivity and Work-Life Balance. Retrieved from https://www.worktolive.info/blog/bid/336460/how-optimism-boosts-productivity-and-work-life-balance
[3] Bandura, Albert. Self-Efficacy Mechanism in Human Agency. 1982: American Psychologist. Retrieved from https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/8bee/c556fe7a650120544a99e9e063eb8fcd987b.pdf
[4] Sherman, Jeremy E. Mastering the Therapeutic At of Laughing at Yourself. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/ambigamy/201405/mastering-the-therapeutic-art-laughing-yourself
[5] Waters, Brad. 10 Traits of Emotionally Resilient People. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/design-your-path/201305/10-traits-emotionally-resilient-people
[6] Coleman Barks. The Essential Rumi.