The most important thing a teacher or parent can do is to be calm and relaxed themselves. Students who have been traumatized are very sensitive to the moods and energy of the adults around them. A deep inner peace, love and acceptance of a child will do wonders for their own state of being.
When entering the classroom from the chaos and competition of the playground, after an altercation with another child or an adult, it takes kids time to calm down. “When kids are overwhelmed by feelings, adds Dr. Lindsey Giller, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute, the emotional side of the brain isn’t communicating with the rational side, which normally regulates emotions and plans the best way to deal with a situation. Experts call it being “dysregulated.” It’s not effective to try to reason with a child who’s dysregulated.”[1] After recess, play soothing music and have independent work kids can be successful doing by themselves for 10-15 minutes. If they know the routine, they can go straight to their desks and engage. This also allows time and space for a teacher to manage altercations brought inside.
Helping kids be able to know, own and name their feelings can be a step in helping them remain calm. Listening to children and validating their feelings can help allow them to accept a feeling and let it pass. Giving students coping options or choices, such as a time out, or stating calmly what is wrong can also help. Waiting until the brain chemistry has a chance to change is important in talking over problem solving and future choices and actions a child might take
Ignoring inappropriate attention seeking behaviors, such as whining and outbursts can reduce these actions. If we can focus on attempts to approximate a desired behavior, and give positive feedback for these actions, it can begin to move a child in a more positive direction. It can also help adults in charge refrain from engaging in negative feedback loops. Criticism and angry reactions usually serve to accelerate unwanted behaviors in kids. All kids want to beloved and feel that someone cares about them, and desires that they be well-behaved, and believes they are good in their nature. Give positive attention when the child begins to ‘approximate’ the desired behavior. Recognizing small steps in the direction you want the conduct to go assists in making change, step-by-step.
Transitions are best improved with clearly-stated expectations and consistent rules and procedures. Remind kids what you want them to do. Understand that they might bethinking about something else, day-dreaming, etc. and not mean to misbehave if they forget procedure. Also, some kids need many repetitions before desired behavior becomes automatic. Simple directions given frequently in a kind voice will work wonders toward greater order.
Give directions in simple steps. At the beginning of every written work, “Write your name on the top,” might seem unnecessarily repetitive, but will help you as a teacher. Same thing with walking down the hall. “Stay in a single line on the right,” cannot be said enough. If multiple step directions are needed, repeat them a second time, one or two at the appropriate time. Some kids have trouble remembering multiple directs, especially in order.
The most important thing we can do to help children stay calm in any situation is to model a deep inner calm and reassure them in whatever way they need. As adult caregivers of children, we need to take care of ourselves in whatever way we need, so that we have an inner well and reserve of tranquility, happiness and peace.
[1] Miller, Caroline. How to Help Children Calm Down. Retrieved (2021) from https://childmind.org/article/how-to-help-children-calm-down/