“In the face of demoralization, gratitude has the power to energize. In the face of brokenness, gratitude has the power to heal. In the face of despair, gratitude has the power to bring hope. In other words, gratitude can help us cope with hard times.” (Robert Emmons) [1]
Many of us are grateful for the small, daily gifts of our everyday life. We are grateful for our good health, for the strength to walk in nature. for good, healthy food, for warm coats and comfortable clothing, and for a safe, cozy place in which to live. Our personal lives allow for contentment.
For me, the greatest gift is the gift of friendship. Having companions to walk beside me in life is the most valuable thing I can have. Friends who listen and witness my story with love lighten my burdens. I need someone who can see that I have challenges and foibles, and still accept me as I am, to be able to fully love someone else, to completely open my heart and feel the joy of being with someone I love is the greatest treasure. Having an abundance of friends who enjoy doing the same things allows me to enjoy those activities even more. I see the joy in my friends’ hearts and it lifts my spirit.
Frequently, we are grateful for things that happen in the outer world, which may or may not affect our lives. We might be grateful for all those standing up for the rights of black and brown people, the members of the LGBT community, and for the safety and liberty of immigrants. We perhaps are grateful for the results of an election, hoping for a different future. We appreciate efforts to care for the environment. And we are thankful for benefits given to the poor and needy.
Other gifts that are so important to be thankful for are the events, and difficulties in our lives, which when they occur change the direction we were going in. Sometimes we need time and space to allow a perspective that sees how these challenges were of great benefit in the end. Looking back, we see that we would not be where we are today without the change that happened because of some catastrophic event. Sometimes we are so shocked and our life is so disrupted that it is hard to understand who we are for a time.
Learning and growing from a traumatic experience can be a gift. Talking with a friend or a professional, writing about our feelings, expressing and feeling our emotions as they arise can help us. Praying, using affirmations, wazifas, mantras can help to change our mental state and reduce our stress. Finding something we love to concentrate on for a time can also help. Walking in nature, taking a warm bath with fragrances we love, hanging out with a loved one are all ways we can reduce our stress for a time.[2]
There are many metaphors for change and growth that can help to reframe an experience. The metamorphosis of a butterfly, changing from a caterpillar, quiescent as a chrysalis, emerging as a beautiful butterfly is one. The myth of how the phoenix arises from the ashes, reborn again into a new life is another.
Let us remember to be thankful for al the gifts we are given.
Ever wonder why when you go to a family gathering or a party with friends, everyone later has their own story about what happened? Each one of us sees the world through a different lens. Our perception of the world is colored by our experiences. Even in a family living close together each person has had a variety of different experiences, has learned and seen different things.
Unfortunately, all of us have ‘stuff’ from our lives that sticks to us, and arises when triggered by a similar situation or emotion. Sometimes we react in a way that projects part of the hurt from the earlier event out on the those around us. It is a sad thing that everyone does this in some unconscious ways.
Have you ever had an event, an interaction that runs through your mind over and over, as if you are on a hamster wheel, just going around and round on the same path? Ruminating, mentally chewing on the hurtful words and actions of family, friends, students, coworkers, pondering what you wish you had done differently?
Many people cling to stories of being hurt. They tell their stories over and over, embellishing the pain. They identify as a victim, and look to their friends and family to comfort them. This is not the happiest and most functional way to get positive attention. Perhaps you have a favorite story of being hurt by someone you have told many times. Consider what you are trying to get from your listeners.
The silence is oppressive
Unconscious material
Floating unexpressed.
Years of silence
Under another rule.
Now in the name
Of spirituality.
I am too silent
and still oppressed.
Nina Massey
Cleaning
Nearly every spiritual path in the world has some way to help people deal with their ‘stuff.’ After all, we all want to treat those we love with kindness and fairness. In the Christian tradition there is the practice of confession and forgiveness. In the Yoga sutras, Yama is the God of Death, and the practice of yama is non-harming or non-violence. In the Heartfulness meditation path, we clear our samskaras (emotional memories) by sitting and “imagining all the impurities and complexities are leaving our entire system.”[1] A psychological practice is to repeat affirmations of qualities that we want to have replace those we want to leave our being. Louise Hay has affirmations for pain in parts of the body. She believes that our thoughts and painful emotions are stored in our bodies, and can cause discomfort and illness. For knees, she recommends “I am flexible and flowing. Or I bend and flow with ease and all is well.”[2] Prayer can be used to invoke a guardian, such as a prophet, an angel or a saint, and creating a protective energy field around you.
Indigenous people often used scents, such as sage, to smudge or purify the atmosphere of a room. Sacred music is sometimes used to change the vibrations. Feng shui recommends the ringing of bells or chimes. Some believe placing crystals or certain stones around a room is helpful with difficult energy.
The bottom line with all these practices is believing in what you are doing, and letting go of whatever you need to. When someone hurts us, and we have no more recourse to find a way to work with them, we need to forgive and forget. It’s not saying that what someone did to us is not wrong. It’s saying that we don’t want to allow that hurting, that pain to continue to make us feel ill, to continue to come out sideways during our interactions.
The first law of energy is the conservation of energy. This law states that energy cannot be created or destroyed. It can only be changed or transmuted. If there is negative energy in your environment it can be changed to positive energy. It is not easy, but it is possible.
One very simple practice is to watch your thoughts. When you find yourself thinking bad thoughts about another, turn your mind to what you love about them. If this is not possible, pray for forgiveness. I use the Ho-oponopono[3] practice, and ancient Hawaiian way of thinking. I simply begin to think over and over again, “I love you, I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you.” This practice requires acknowledging that you have a part in everything that occurs, in everyone’s way of interacting with you. Over time, while using this practice, my mind has moved from resentment and hurt, to empathy and sympathy. I frequently can’t change another person’s behavior, but I can change how I react to them, the energy that I put into the atmosphere in response.
To sing the praises of God
Is the greatest of all pastimes.
Calling out from our hearts
The name of the One.
Making music of love,
The melody of sound.
Expressing our yearning,
Our longing for God.
Nina Massey
[1] Patel, Kamlesh D.. The Heartfulness Way: Heart-Based Meditations for Spiritual Transformation (Kindle Locations 116-117). New Harbinger Publications. Kindle Edition.
[2] Hay, Louise. 2013. The Essential Louise Hay Collection. Hay House, Inc.
[3] Hoponopono: How to Practice it in 4 Simple Steps. Retrieved from https://www.laughteronlineuniversity.com/hooponopono-4-simple-steps/
Let us fill our hearts with our own compassion – towards ourselves and towards all living beings. (Thich Nhat Hanh)
Learning to be in the moment,
Sinking into the breath.
Becoming only this body breathing.
All sensation accepted.
As what this moment is about.
Thoughts put aside,
To hear the sound
Of the vibration of all being.
To feel the wine
Of the essence of all being
Flowing through all that is.
Nina Massey
Filtering through a Paradigm
As you are reading, you may find a conversation going on in your head, evaluating the ideas. Perhaps you immediately discard some thoughts that you judge as bad ideas, impossible to implement, too much work, something deep inside that you don’t want to examine. Many of us do this. You are not alone. Each of us filters what we see and hear through a mindset, based on paradigms which are a lens that covers our vision. Often, we look for and listen to ideas that reinforce and agree with what we already believe.
Freedom of thought allows us to openly consider ideas, and without judgement or further negative thoughts, and to let some go to the wayside. Being open-minded means we allow ourselves to listen to and consider the ideas of others. Flexibility allows us to adjust and change our paradigms, fitting in new ideas we did no previously consider. Finding new ways to see the world and others in it is an opportunity to change our life.
According to dictionary.com, a paradigm is a cognitive framework containing the basic assumptions and ways of thinking shared by members of a group. Some call the spreading of a way of thinking ‘contagion.’ Most of us have several points of view or paradigms, sometimes referred to as lenses, through which we see the world. We tend to want to hang out with others of ‘like mind.’ We find comfort in their reinforcement that our ways of thinking are right. When we read or watch the news on TV or hear it on the radio, we tend to pay attention to points of view that agree and reinforce our existing views. If we don’t agree or like the speaker, we reach for the remote and change the channel. On social media, we only friend those who’s point of view we find agreement with. This is our mindset, often set in concrete and unchangeable. Taking the opportunity to consider the view point of others can be the beginning of many changes in our relationships with family, friends and co-workers.
Shifting our paradigms can be difficult, but it is possible. It is by taking actions to think differently, to do practices that we can find an easy way to shift. ‘Practice’ is a term used in many spiritual communities to mean certain prayers, affirmations of qualities, cleaning of our energy field etc. This writing is about scrubbing our minds, clearing the way to openness and freedom to have positive thoughts.
My heart will have a song to sing
Of love & joy.
Of the ecstasy of being.
One of the incredible lightness of being.
Of the knowledge that there is a greater life than this.
A song of warmth.
A song of joy.
A song of at-one-ment.
A true gift of Christmas.
Birth, death & rebirth.
Loneliness comes from a heart
That touched the One.
A separation from this is
A parting of light into darkness.
Loneliness,
Depression,
Alone.
Nina Massey
Habits and Tendencies
Many years ago, Arthur L. Costa[1] developed a way of teaching students how intelligent people act in ways that help them succeed. He included characteristics such as “persistence and managing impulsivity, listening with understanding and empathy, thinking flexibly, etc.” He wanted to find a way to help students understand and realize that many of the patterns in their minds were simply tendencies and habits. One can train one’s mind to react differently, with open-mindedness, and thus act with more intelligence. I say also from my own experience that one can train one’s mind to look for beauty, to forgive, to feel gratitude, and thus have a happier outlook on life.
The Comedy of the Vain
Ah, the vain, glorious beauty of heroes.
Once pride was a valuable commodity
A great weapon of strength and survival.
But pride is the enemy of surrender
The obstacle of softening into allowing
The Divine Bliss to flow freely.
Have no comedy with the vain.
Look not at the peacock strutting,
Nor listen to the squawking pride of the turkey.
Look instead deeply within
Finding the One Lord of Bliss
Softening every hard place to the flow.
Nina Massey
Judging and Classifying
Classifying means putting something into ‘classes.’ Creativity can be stifled by the habits and tendencies we have to judge our own work and that of others. Mentally comparing it to some external referent that we judge to be better can be detrimental. Being creative means being open to surprises and new possibilities, and not expecting and seeing the worst in our projects and in other people.
Sometimes people have a comfort level and sense of security that comes with being able to name something, to label it and therefore close the door to any further thought about it. People often use personality tests and models to do this, such as Meyers-Briggs, Enneagram, etc. It allows one to put someone in a box, say oh, that’s …, and dismiss them from the mind. One suggestion might be to not be too quick at naming and labeling. Using these instruments to understand the ways of others might be more helpful. A deeper look under the outer appearances may bring new, different and creative thoughts to mind. Be open to knowing that we all only know a small part of someone. They may have many other facets like a jewel, of skills, abilities, traits, that we have not yet seen, because they are manifest in a different setting, time, interaction, etc.
My Mother’s Legacy
A legacy of sorrow,
Regret, unfulfilled longings,
Always wondering how things
Could be, should be, might be.
A legacy of tears,
Compassion for her own depth of sorrow
Her own regret and unfulfilled longings.
A legacy of determination,
To live a life of love & fulfillment
To openly communicate
And carry out our destiny.
A legacy of faith
Lived through daily works
And daily knowledge of God
In our hearts and souls.
Nina Massey
Reacting
Many times, in our lives we react with anger, impulsively pushing out our thoughts and feelings in a dark, negative way toward others. Sometimes we wonder where did that come from? Why do I feel so bad, so deeply about this thing others might consider small and not so important? We feel as though ‘we have our backs up against the wall.’ Perhaps we could continue to ask ourselves a few questions to find the source, the memories of other times that were in some way like today’s incidence. All of us walk about with baggage, carrying with us hurt, pain, disappointment, disillusionment, etc. Being able to remember to take a deep breath and look inside for our part of a situation, and not just impulsively hurting another, helps us improve our relationships.
Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len was a Hawaiian therapist who healed criminally insane patients in a hospital by healing himself. He practiced and ancient Hawaiian way called “Ho’opnonpono, which means to make right.”[2] When we accept that we are responsible for what we see in the world, because we see it through our minds, we begin to understand what Hew Len did. He accepted that he had a part in everything he saw outside of himself, because he created his point of view in his own mind. He thought about each patient individually, and he prayed this prayer to them with all of his heart and mind in focus: “I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.”
[1] Costa, Arthur L. and Kallick, Bena. Learning and Leading with Habits of Mind. ASCD, 2008.
[2] From http://www.ancienthuna.com/ho-oponopono.htm
How can we bring ourselves into a more positive, desirable condition so that our lives are happier?
In Japan a scientist names Masaru Emoto[1]studied the effect of emotions on the formation of snowflakes. He found that the more positive the energy, with qualities such as love and gratitude, the more beautiful and perfect the shape of the ice crystal. He was able to photograph and document his study. He theorized that if everything is made of energy and vibrations, the energy we put out into the world can affect everything it touches.
One of the ways that can improve our thoughts is to increase our concentration on bringing more positive qualities into our lives. In spiritual paths, these attributes are called virtues, the beautiful names of God, or are even seen as God/desses. Various practices can be found whose purpose is to bring these essential characteristics deep into our hearts.
We will examine here just a few essential qualities which can make our world a more peaceful and joyful place in which to live.
I know I’ll love you
Until the sky cracks open at dawn
And lets the light in.
I know I’ll love you
Until the jewel of the heavens
Falls to the Earth.
I know I’ll love you
As long as time.
I know I’ll love you
With the rising of each wave
Of the rushing sea.
I know I’ll love you
Always and forever.
Nina Massey
Compassion & Loving Kindness
The light was like paint
White paint, thick and moving,
Flecks of green, red and yellow.
Surrounding our heads.
The green was of love and healing.
The red of anger.
The yellow of the earth
Mixed into orange
The color of a need for community.
They needed to be there.
They brought their troubled spirits
And the glow of the pains and the joy
And mingled it freely
With the light of the spirit.
Nina Massey
The first and most important quality for developing better relationships is compassion and empathy. A considerate friend, partner or teacher is desired and needed by all human beings. We want to have those near us, who are sympathetic when things are not going well. We want someone who listens with their heart and tries to understand in a loving way without judgment. Kindness and tenderheartedness, listening with empathy, allow us to help others to work their way through their problems and issues.
Stand up for the truth.
Be a voice crying out.
Crying out
The needs of the soul.
Name the trouble.
Be a voice crying out.
Crying out
For the rights of the troubled.
Stand up for the truth.
Nina Massey
Forgiveness
To let go
To leave it behind,
To go on.
Regret
Looking back,
Returning full force,
The circle incomplete.
Beauty,
Wholeness,
Perfection,
The circle complete.
Harmony,
Happiness, Prosperity,
The circle whole.
Nina Massey
Everyone messes up and makes mistakes. We all have moments of tiredness, feeling ill, moments when we are upset from interactions with others not present with us at another time. We mistakenly say things we later regret. Going back and apologizing, telling the one we have wounded that we regret our actions because we care about them can help to clear the air, if the other person is willing to forgive and accept our humanity.
At the heart of the matter,
It’s the hearts that matter.
The matter of inner pain
Glimpsed deep in sad young eyes.
The matter of outer pain
Expressed in disrespect and anger
Hurting others so the hurt inside is not so big.
The matter of being unable
To help or change the karma of lives
Revolving hearts of pain
Over and over again.
Nina Massey
Is it worth it to ask yourself, do you forgive the small stuff? Do you tell your children it’s ok, it’s normal to mess up?
Some things that happen are harder to forgive than others, and may need deep psychological counseling. One of the most important things as a parent is to always go later to your child after a difficult moment and tell them you love them. Always tell your child or your partner you love them and care about them before they go to sleep each night.
There are many ways to cultivate forgiveness. One way is to use an affirmation each morning, such as this one from Louise Hay: “As I forgive myself, it becomes easier to forgive others.”[2] The Bible has many forgiveness passages, such as this one: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you.”[3] In some paths, there are names of the desired qualities which can be repeated daily to develop compassionate forgiveness. Reminding oneself of the intent to forgive others each morning can bring greater contentment throughout the day.
“If you find any fault with anybody, pray for their freedom from it.” Lalaji[4]
Life longing for itself
In full recognition of the moment
When love is fully present.
Wanting that mirror and echo
To name what is there.
And in the naming
Stepping away from the love,
The tiny distance bridged
By the recognition
In the eyes of the other.
This longing to be one
The energy of Ishq
Known only in the mirror
Of the eyes of the heart.
The longing is the need and the knowing at once.
Nina Massey
Gratitude
Finding ways to show how thankful we are can help us turn our thoughts to the good things in our lives. The benefits of gratitude on our health have long been studied and documented. I ran across an interesting page of the web[5] with the titles of 648 articles on gratitude. There are links to the many scientific studies on the health benefits. The bottom line is that any way we can be thankful for the blessings in our lives will improve the quality of our lives.
Try some of these:
Remember to express your loving gratitude in the moment to another.
Send a quick text or email to someone to thank them for something they said or did.
Keep a gratitude journal. Each night, make a list of 3-5 things from the day that you feel appreciation for.
Instead of counting sheep, fall asleep thinking of the things from your day for which you are thankful
